the working mom

A working mom's daily load...

I've been thinking about this post a lot lately.

As Emmy is getting older, she is becoming more and more fun. She is watching us move around the room, she gets excited when we talk to her and hold her. This morning, I didn't want to let her go. Joe was taking her to "school" and I thought about my day and almost decided to stay and work from home with her.

But that's really hard to do. I have a great job, I probably take it for granted sometimes. I basically work for myself, I work hard and all of my work is my own. I try to have a good teamwork attitude and help others where I can but I am not required to be in the office anymore. Oddly enough, I like being in the office. I am good at my job and I know that's because I work hard and I certainly work better without distractions.

Staying at home has never been an option for me. I have the utmost respect for women who stay at home. I know from the short time I stayed home to recover and take care of Emmy that it is hard work. Believe it or not, it's not all watching "Ellen" and the "Today Show" (this is what I was expecting) babies are work. 

Worst of all, I found staying at home to be unrewarding.

There. I said it. Being a mom didn't give me enough gratitude. Does that make me selfish? Probably. 

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my time with Emmy but at the end of the day no one had said "thank you" or "great job on that diaper, you really cleaned her butt so efficiently!". 

At my job, I am complimented and appreciated. That's where my confidence comes from: my work. I learned to have a good work ethic at a young age. My mom always worked, she taught us to work too. Sometimes I had wished she would stay home more but that wasn't really until I was older. Especially when I was in middle school, old enough that my sister and I could be left at home alone but too young to go anywhere on our own. I really hated the summers because they were so boring. My parents left for work and Courtney and I spent the day playing dolls, watching tv and cleaning the house (yes, we started the day with a list of chores and had no idea that this isn't what ALL kids did during the summer. We were suckers). 

I'm not telling this sad, sad story to get your sympathy (unless, of course, you are my mom reading this and then yes, mom, you ROBBED me of my childhood, how dare you?) Oh, BTW, can I have 10 bucks?

This is about being a good mother.

I did learn from a few of my parent's mistakes. They got caught up in work. They came home stressed out, exhausted and no matter how much they loved us, we felt their tension and it made us a little afraid of them. We were afraid we might upset them more so we scurried around cleaning the house so they wouldn't get mad. I don't want to do that, I hope to find an inner-peace with a messy house soon because the pressure I put on myself to keep it clean is not worth it. 

My parents were young and they have warned my sister and I about making this mistake. My mom is still a work-a-holic and I have some of her tendencies but I make time for Emmy and I leave the stress at work. I spend my mornings lying in bed with Emmy, watching the Today Show and sipping coffee while tickling her toes. My rule is that as long as she is awake, we are a happy family with no problems. Once she goes to sleep, I'm back on my laptop sending e-mails and crunching numbers. 

To all the working moms out there: it's okay, we are good moms too. 
To all the stay at home moms: thank you, you're doing a great job.

My first day back to work, Emmy's first day at daycare

how bogies make moms

Becoming a mom isn't an overnight process. Well, I guess it literally is an "overnight" process but feeling like a mom takes a little longer. 

Emmy woke up two nights ago choking on snot. I spent the rest of the night hovering over her, changing her position and sucking the snot out with the bulb. It was terrifying and I felt so bad for her. We took her to the doctor first thing in the morning. The doc said she was fighting a little viral infection, which she caught from me (I thought it was just allergies) but since I had been breast feeding, she should get over it soon. All we had to do was put saline drops in her nose and suck out the snot until it passed. Easy enough.

Night 2: Joe was up till 1:30 repeating night 1. He has to go to work so he woke me up and I took over until dawn. It's not just that she can't breathe well, it's that she is trying to sleep but she can't so I'm doing everything I can to make her comfortable so she can sleep longer than 10 minutes at a time. We let her sleep in the bed with us. Don't judge me, how else can I watch her every move and listen for every breathe?  Joe and I slept in one tiny corner on the other side. One hand rubbing her back, the other gripping the bulb at the ready - yes, I can sleep like that (apparently). 

Strangely enough, I feel more like a mom taking care of my sick baby than I ever have. I fight her for her snot. We get it loose and I'm in there, bulb, wipes, and fingers trying to get her bogies out before she can suck them back in. Is it grossing you out? It's not grossing me out. I think that's how I just became a mom.