wallpaper

I made a wallpaper! And you can have it if you want!

This is my favorite Harry Potter quote. Ron Weasley is my favorite character and I love that these were Dumbledore's final words to him. I miss Harry Potter so now it's on my laptop's background.

I'll even include a higher resolution version if someone else can tell me how to do it so that it doesn't take over the whole page. Like how people have links to a new window where you can view it in full size. I can't figure that out. 

baby scheduling

I am always wondering what a good schedule for Emmy should be. I searched all over to see what other moms were doing but this one developed on its own and was led mostly by Emmy. I don't really think "baby scheduling" is something a parent should obsess over but I have found that Emmy likes knowing when to expect things and I like being able to plan my day around her naps.

We switch up her food all the time and it's easy to tell if babies have had enough food because you just keep offering it until they stop eating it. Emmy shakes her head if she's done or throws her food on the floor for the dog to eat.

I have enjoyed feeding Emmy all of the gerber baby foods but I will be happy to see them go as we transition to adult food. So far, Emmy likes grilled cheese, spaghetti and white chicken chili the most. It's hard for me to take the spice out of our meals but it's nice not having to feed Emmy while I cook dinner and then try to entertain her while we eat. 

Yep, she's done eating

Some people have asked me what the secret to getting a baby to sleep all night is... the secret? The truth is that there is no secret. Emmy just likes to sleep. We never force her to sleep if she's wide awake and we rarely rock her to sleep although we do rock her for a few minutes in her room so she can wind down and get used to the dark. We have a sound machine and a humidifier that run every night.  She has just now started clinging to her bunny and her "laugh and learn puppy" that keeps her entertained until she falls asleep.

sweet little bunny

If you are about to be a mom or have a newborn, my advice would be not to stress about the schedule. They have a way of working themselves out, just pay attention to your kid's signals and then reinforce them. Since Emmy is in daycare, her naps are based on what they set. 5 out of 7 days she naps with them so they rule that schedule and Emmy has gotten used to it. The 10am nap is tough on the weekends when we get out to run errands so we make her stroller as comfortable as possible but we don't let her schedule run our lives. 

sweet Emmy sleeping in the cart at Costco

It really bugs me when parents judge other parents. This gig is tough and no one is more right than anyone else when it comes to parenting. I believe in taking my kid with me to run errands if I need to. I want her to see the world and I enjoy having her around. But I have to admit that having her there makes it more difficult to enjoy my time. I can't relax because I always have one eye on her and if she's fussing, I'm rushing. 

Also, kids are moody. Just because you see my kid hollering down one aisle doesn't mean she isn't completely content most of the time. I would never keep a screaming child in a public place. If she is screaming it is a sure signal that we need to go home and I won't be selfish and ask the public to put up with us. BUT, girl don't you give me a nasty look or I will CUT.YOU.UP. (just for you, Courtney). 

I find it really interesting as my friends start having kids to watch them and see what their priorities are. Some of them are laid-back, and let their kids' free spirits flow. Others are fearful and keep their kids locked down for safe-keeping. I get both perspectives and I'm trying to ride the middle somewhere but being a mother is so hard so please don't add pressure to yourself by comparing your situation to others and don't add pressure to each other by judging. We are all in this together for the kids, right?

learning is living

I don't think I'm alone in believing that people should never say they "can't" do something. You can DO anything. Really, just about anything if you set your mind to it. If you learn how and then practice it and then work really, really hard until you accomplish it. 

Kids get this. They are taught new things in school and they believe anything is possible. Ask them what they want to be when they grow up and you'll hear "astronaut!" "football player!" "famous actress!". They learn so many new things that they don't fear it. The adults are the ones that surprise me. 

My 75-year old boss has an iphone. I don't think he likes it but he is determined to learn how to use it. I admire him so much for that. I know it isn't easy for him and I might laugh a little when he slaps it repeatedly when it doesn't pick up on his touch. The point is, he won't stop learning because he knows that it is what keeps him alive. 

Not physically, but mentally alive and sharp. Learning is the key to staying young and keeping your life relevant. There are so many things I want to learn in my life. 

Here are my top 5:

1. How to sew

2. How to change the oil in my car

3. How to drive stick shift

4. How to make a website and/or write computer code

5. How to french braid my own hair (seriously, this one is tough)

If I ever really need to do one of the above, I'm sure I will learn it. I just don't want to say that "I can't". I may choose never to change the oil and I may not ever write code but I should know how.

I hope I can teach Emmy this. I want to teach her how to do all the things I know then help her find people to teach her the things I don't know. I am sure it will be tough to teach her how to do things when I can do them myself quicker. It will probably be even harder to let her do it her own way even if I think my way is better. I am promising myself now that as long as she is learning and doing things for herself, I will step back and let her try. Then, after she goes to bed, I'll go behind her and fix it. 

total thyroidectomy

It's been one week since I had my "total thyroidectomy" also known as "skinny neck time"! I was diagnosed with Hashimotos thyroiditis when I was 12 when "the goiter" (what a nasty word) had first appeared. It basically meant I had a slow metabolism and would inevitably have to supplement my thyroid hormone production with synthroid. We put it off because it was managable and once you decide to start medication you can never stop and it is harder to stabilize while your thyroid is still functioning. 

Back in September, I went for a physical and my doctor discovered a lump in my throat. I'm surprised I hadn't noticed it, after an ultrasound and a few tests, they found one large nodule on the left side of my thyroid and several small ones on the right side. The "cancer" word was tossed around but the more likely culprit was the Hashimotos. I met with my endocrinologist and he hooked me up with a really awesome surgeon. The whole process of tests and doctor visits drug out for 3 months and that lump continued to grow. 

It was pretty noticeable, here it is a few days before surgery:

I basically had no collar bone and the lump was actually sticking out a little bit!

I was nervous about the surgery and sad to have a scar on such a visible part of my body. I also knew the worst part of the recovery would be getting the synthroid right. That's why I have a good endocrinologist, you don't want to mess around with the hormones that can make you tired and fat or super hyper and stressed out.

The lump made surgery inevitable so I had my one time allowed meltdown and then pulled on my big girl panties and accepted it.

The surgery was fairly quick, an hour or so and when I woke up I was in A LOT of pain. That was definitely the worst part. I couldn't move my neck, I couldn't talk and they wouldn't let me drink anything because it would be terrible if I threw up.

Here's a picture 24 hours after the surgery 

(the one I took right after surgery included drains and I didn't think that would be such a nice picture to see):

I hope that's not too gross! There wasn't a bandage, it's just a bit of glue with some clear stuff on top. I prefer it because I would hate to have to pull anything off later and if I couldn't see it, I would imagine it to be worse.

The pain started to subside on Thursday and by Friday I was fine taking tylenol instead of the loretab. The thyroid is near "parathyroids" one of which produces calcium. As my surgeon described it, even if they aren't damaged during surgery, they tend to be sensitive and will temporarily shut down after surgery. So with numb finger tips I had to take 3 tums 3x a day. Since I think of Tums as candy, I was happiest about this one.

My voice is back although I cannot sing. I can't talk very loud and I can't make my voice go up like I'm surprised or excited. This is most disappointing for Emmy. She will do something funny and I will say "oh. yay." I can't do any better than that! My voice should be back to normal over the next few weeks. 

And, of course, my main concern about recovery came true: I'm moody. It's not too bad, not like I'm angry and then happy. It's more like I'm happy then I'm knock-down-need-a-nap-now tired. Then I get cold. Like, I'm living in an igloo and my toes might fall off. I wrapped a heated blanket around me on high and it took 30 minutes to warm up. 

I am such a naturally warm person that it makes me feel bad that I was so hard on the cold-natured people in my office. Being hot is annoying but being cold takes over all thoughts and it's immobilizing. 

I'll keep you updated on my progress. I am hoping to get back to the gym next week and back to "normal" by Feb 1st.

It's good to set goals, right!? 

emmy can drum

Yikes! 2 weeks without a post! Here is a little video of Emmy playing the drums yesterday. She picked up those chopsticks and went to town on the table. I imagined she would play the cello but the drums could be cool, too.

I am working on a post about my thyroidectomy. The pain was bearable but now I have ventured into the ups and downs with a low dose of synthroid until I can meet with my endocrinologist. My neck looks fantastic and skinny but a little gory so I'm trying to decide if I want to post pics. I probably will, I tend to overshare.

workin on my fitness

A big part of my New Year's resolution was to lose weight. 

I've decided to keep myself accountable with monthly updates on my plan and progress.

**The Plan**

1. Work out in the gym 4-5 days/week for at least 30 minutes. On the days I don't go to the gym, I can substitute with walking, playing "Just Dance" on the Wii and every now and then... I'll just take the day off. The more pressure I put on myself the more I am likely to crumple and fail the first day I fall off the wagon. I've done the diet rodeo enough times to know that if I eat one cookie it's all over. 

2. I'm not counting calories because I lie about that anyway. I am not going to weigh myself everyday because I get discouraged so quickly if I'm not making amazing progress. Gain a pound and the gig is up. 

3. I am going to substitute one meal for salad or cereal and for breakfast I will have my green smoothie or jimmy dean d-light (I love the turkey sausage and egg white sandwich).


What's a green smoothie? Only the BEST thing I've ever discovered. I saw this recipe on pinterest and tweeked it a bit to make my own:

(Roll Tide is a must on this Championship morning!)

wanna see it close up?

looks gross doesn't it?

Well, it's not. It's green because it is loaded with spinach but I swear you cannot taste it. Joe wrinkles his face and refuses to drink it but that's because he is a child about green things, not because he can taste anything bad.

Here's my recipe and I put everything in the blender in this order:

• 1/4 cup crushed ice
• 1/2 frozen banana (sliced)
• 1/2 cup vanilla greek yogurt
• 1 T chia seeds** (optional)
• 1 T PB2 powder or regular peanut butter
• 2 cups baby spinach
• 1/3 cup almond milk (unsweetened)
• Stevia or Splenda to taste. 

That's my favorite, most basic recipe and I've guessed on all the measurements because I would never measure them out because it would take too long. Sometimes I use regular yogurt instead of greek which cuts out that bitter taste so you don't need to add sweetener. If I use regular yogurt I add a little chocolate flavored protein powder and it's yummy.

Other alternatives:

 Substitute Apples for peanut butter. I have tried strawberries and blueberries and didn't think it tasted quite as good although it wasn't bad. The peanut butter really takes over the flavor of the spinach well. Oh, and NEVER try to make this without banana. It gets funky real fast and I have no idea why. I just buy spinach and bananas from costco, wait till the nanas are ripe then slice them up and freeze them. 

Emmy likes the sliced frozed bananas in her munchkin mesh baby feeder or at least she likes to teeth on it until it gets mushy and wet and absolutely disgusting then she drops it on the floor.

**Chia seeds are a strange thing a coworker told me about. I'm still not too sure what they do but she said something about feeling fuller so I bought them and convinced myself I was fuller.

**The Progress**

So far, I've gone to the gym everyday before work and shop-walked on Saturday and played Just Dance on Sunday. I'm tracking my exercise automatically with this guy:

The Jawbone "Up"

It's basically a pedometer that tracks your movement "steps" and shows you a graph with your daily exercise patterns. It also tracks your sleep so you push this little button and it tracks how long it took you to fall asleep, when you were in a deep sleep and when you wake up. 

I woke up twice one night to slap my cat and toss him off the bed. It only caught one time so it's not perfect but still very helpful. The thing I like most is that it reminds me how sedentary my life really is. If I don't exercise on a weekday, I get less than 4,000 steps a day which sounds like a lot but the app suggested my goal be 10,000 and 40 minutes of exercise and half a day at the office and I'm only at 75% of my goal. It syncs with all iphones and ipads so it's very easy to plug it in and check your status. I love that I don't have to actively do anything to keep track of my calories burned (it even has a tally for active and resting calories burned!). 

Look at all the pretty color choices! 

I went with black because it was available at the local Best Buy. The bright blue is available there too and the black and turquoise are sold at Apple stores. The other colors aren't available yet but you can check jawbone.com for updates. 

I almost have Joe convinced to buy one so we can compete. He's waiting for them to have the android app ready so he can upload without having to use his old ipod. 

A few months before Joe and I got married I started working out a lot and I loved it. I continued until I found out I was pregnant and I started getting cramps when I was on the elliptical and I panicked. I did a few pilates classes and then stopped altogether. It's amazing how much better you feel when you have started your day with exercise though, it's definitely addicting and I really hope I don't give up on myself!

9-11 month favorites

1. Britax Marathon (convertible carseat) - This is technically my favorite thing. We bought this with gift cards and extra money from Christmas. I was sad about taking out the infant seat for about 5 minutes. The straps are stiffer in a good way. I can get Emmy in and out quicker and she sits up a little straighter so she is paying attention to everything in the car more.

2. Baby Mum-Mums - I thought these were strange looking but Emmy LOVES them. Right now she prefers these over the puffs now and I do too because less ends up on the floor for the dog.

3. Cloud B Twilight Turtle - A good friend of mine bought this for Emmy. She only just got really interested in it and spends so much time staring at it and giggling.

4. Rectal Thermometer - We should have bought this already. After she started spiking fevers we bought one to get a better reading and it has been a lifesaver. I was nervous about doing this but it's actually very easy and I highly recommend it.

5. B. Parum Pum Drum - I bought this drumset at the recommendation of a fellow target shopper. Emmy is mostly into the drumsticks. She bangs them on everything and smacks the lid to the drum with her hands. She will grow into the rest of the instruments but in the meanwhile Joe and I shake them around to go with her banging. 

6. Vtech Learning Laptop - Emmy got this from Joe's aunt and she just loves it! We put it in her highchair while we fix her food and she almost looks like she's really working on a laptop. Until she snaps it shut to stare at the sparkly sticker on the top. It's still the small things for her. 

And then, there's this guy... the love of my life:

The Chicco Polly Magic High Chair. It is magic, you know. I didn't want to get a high chair. I fought it for months, feeding Emmy in her boppy and in a little booster seat. My mom bought this for herself for when the grandkids come over. I saw it and knew I had to have it. See all those wheels? They make rolling her around our kitchen, living room and dining room a breeze. We have what some may call an "open floor plan" or what we call a tiny room with everything in it. I was afraid it would take up too much space but it doesn't. 

The height is adjustable so we lower her when we eat in the living room and raise it back up to eat at the table or to give her snacks while I cook in the kitchen. The real kicker though? It reclines! We giver her 3 out of 4 bottles in it now and it is so easy to recline back we can do it really fast, even if she is upset about how long we are taking to prepare the bottle. 

My advice to new moms would be to spend money on things that make your life easier. Babies are easily entertained so there's no need to spend hundreds of dollars on toys. Emmy's most favorite things are remote controls and pens. Not such great toy recommendations but that's the reality so don't feel guilty buying things for yourself or your home, if it's easier for you it's bound to make your kid happy too! 

a resolution (of sorts)

I get kind of weird about new year's resolutions. I wonder what's the point and I don't believe half the people who make them have the slightest intention of keeping them.

 I get this way about giving things up for lent too. People do it for all the wrong reasons and then they inevitably fail. I start to think I'm too good for all that. This year, I kind of want a do-over. I want to make a resolution with myself to use a new year as a chance to start over and change a few things.  

What am I starting over? Everything kind of. 2012 was great, don't get me wrong. I gave birth (and rocked it), I have smiled more than ever in my life watching my little girl develop her personality, I've been more successful on the career front than I ever would have hoped and we were able to take care of some debt despite the $800/month paid to daycare. 

So, I want to start over myself. I was the only thing I didn't like about 2012. I didn't lose the baby weight like I should have. I didn't exercise. Like, ever. Maybe twice. I didn't cook as healthy as I know I can (I like to cook healthy food but I was just too lazy and cheap). And, most of all, I wasn't a good wife. I'm going to work on me and hope that Joe sees it. He thinks I'm too reactive and I get upset too easily so I'm going to work on that. Damn, that feels honest and embarrassing at the same time. 

I've already started and even though I began my day dragging loads of boxes to the street because I didn't want to nag Joe, it felt good that there wasn't a fight. I rejoined the YMCA and I am going to find time to go. I actually like exercising (as long as I am not cold, hot, bored or being yelled at). I'm getting my thyroid removed on the 14th. I'm going to focus on watching my body very carefully as I transition to synthroid to make sure I am not too irritable with others as my energy fluctuates. 

When I glance up I see a lot of "I's" but don't let that confuse you. I Me is going to be mostly focused on Emmy, Joe and work but I'm going to keep myself in the back of my mind, making sure I remember why my resolution to be healthier and more laid back will help me have more fun with my family.