christmas pictures

Last year, Joe and I decided to do 5 Christmases in 5 days so that we could see everyone since we knew that we would not do 5 Christmases in 2012. And then we did. 

We do love our family and it was hard to tell them no. But by the end of the Holidays, we were exhausted and decided to be more proactive in next year's planning (we'll see).

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Our first Christmas was in Huntsville with Joe's dad's family.

This is the only pic I have, which I stole from my sister in law, It's Emmy with her Bell, the talking dog from Hallmark. I think I loved this more than her!

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On Christmas Eve we drove to Centre to join Joe's mom's side of the family. They live on Weiss Lake so we went outside to take a few pictures and well, they didn't go too well. 

Believe it or not, this look wasn't even directed at me. I don't know what happened, I just looked at the camera and these were their faces. I laughed hysterically, then regrouped for one good one.

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Then we drove back home and met my sister and brother-in-law to make cookies, watch Home Alone and drive around looking at lights. Courtney takes the most amazing pictures and it's always so hard to choose which ones to post! 

Emmy loves her Uncle Alex but that doesn't mean she's going to share her apple!

She stayed up way too late. All the traveling got her schedule off and this is her happy as a clam at 10pm. 

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My dad and his wife came over Christmas morning with Courtney and Alex. We had to wake Emmy up at 10 so we could open presents with her! I might have been more excited about her new toys than she was. 

But she did love getting into her daddy's stocking (check out her hands)!

and... my favorite gift of all was what me, Courts and Alex got for Joe: karate lessons!

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We left to go to my mom's house around lunchtime. Mom loved holding Emmy while we opened our presents. In all the chaos of ripping presents and tossing bows and ribbons, Emmy fit right in. She just crawled all over it tossing ribbons behind her. 

The whole family at the table... except Courtney who didn't make one single picture because she took them all. I guess next year she's going to have to get a tripod for that camera!

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Our last Christmas was back at our house on Thursday night with Joe's dad and sister. We had a blast with all of our family but I think next year will have to be a little different. Joe and I need to focus on our little family and make sure that we do what we want, not just what everyone else asks us to do. 

This was still one of my favorite Christmases of all time. I imagine it only gets better as they get older and more aware of what's going on. I can't wait until next year!

making the marriage thing work

There are a lot of blogs that talk about families.

I started this blog to keep a scrapbook/memento of my first child. It's fun to write about her milestones, how she makes me so happy and how fun it is to be a mom. 

What I've noticed is that nobody talks about how hard it all is. 

I never wanted to put my personal stuff on the internet. I only talk about my relationship with my husband with close friends and select family. The thing I wonder is, if more of us talked about the difficulty of marriage, would we not find that we are all having the same problems? Isn't a good marriage worth working at? Worth countless compromises, talks, and negotiations? 

My husband is my best friend and we spent the first 7 years of our relationship being affectionately selfish little kids. Doing what we wanted with or without each other and having lots of fun. Enter baby. She might be the best kid in the world but we can't be selfish anymore. We have responsibilities.

Joe and I started what we call "dealz with the devilz" (which must be said in a ridiculous gollum-like voice) to start a conversation about wheeling and dealing responsibilities. Who is going to feed Emmy, bathe her, change her diaper, put her to bed, wake her up, play with her (you get the idea). We sometimes miss our "me" time so we try to make deals so that one of us gets to watch tv or surf the internet while the other one gives Emmy attention. I hear a lot of, "well I did this so you have to do that". I can respond by bringing up money and bills. Argue what's fair based on what I did earlier in the day. We get frustrated because things aren't always working out "fair". 

Our friends are mostly still single or newly-married, without kids. They still have a night life and are kind enough not to write us off just because we have a kid. But you can't find a sitter in less than 24 hours. So one of us has to stay home. We wheel and deal about that too.

It was getting to the point that our marriage was a bargain. 

Everything had a value, a cost and a reward. It was making me sick and I started resenting my husband. I wasn't innocent but how do you stop something like that? 

I am literally asking that question. We have talked about it. We are both unhappy and want to get out of the rut but it's so hard. My mom suggested that we both just give 100% instead of looking for 50. I think that's good advice but I already feel like I've spent 100% by the end of the day. Maybe it will be better when we have Emmy back in daycare full time and I get focused on work. Maybe it will get better when we have more kids and get zero "me" time. Maybe we just need to focus on giving Emmy the most we can so it's not about us at all.

In the end, all that matters is that she is happy and her parents keep working at it, making the marriage thing work.

christmas with emmy

People said the Holidays are more fun with kids and we have definitely found that to be true! Despite the week at the hospital, Emmy's first December has been so full of joy. 

Strangely enough, she developed a strange sort of chipmunk laugh at the hospital and it has kept Joe and I laughing since. She tries to listen to our conversations and laughs when we do. She laughs when she thinks of something funny and at almost everything Rufus does. 

Her happiness is contagious and Joe and I needed that more than she knows. She is making her parent's marriage better without even trying. 

She also enjoys unwrapping presents, which has been fun for her and not so fun for me but since she's laughing about it I can't bring myself to stop her. She has crawled under the tree a few times and tried to pull it down and has been responding to "no ma'am" very well! She just smiles back at me and moves on to something else. 

We got so lucky with Santa this year! We weren't sure if we wanted to brave the largest mall in Birmingham to wait for Santa but we knew we needed to do it for Emmy's sake. After church on Sunday my mom and Rich took us to lunch at the Summit. It was raining and cold but when we walked out of the restaurant, Santa was just sitting in his chair with no one around! I asked if he was "open" and he said his camera man had bailed due to the rain but that we could take our own pictures for free. Heck yes!! 

Emmy loved him, look at her smile!

hospital survival kit

I've been in the hospital with a sick child for 5 days, 4 nights and here's a list of things I think all moms should pack if their child gets admitted for the hospital:

For the baby:
1. Lots of onesies. The best ones are these at Gap. You can't do footies in case they hook up a monitor or IV. These are great because the buttons will let the whole outfit come off without going over the head or feet. You need at least 6 even 
2. Wash cloths - for the in-bed sponge bath. Hospital towels are scratchy.
3. Plastic toys - Sitting in a crib can get dull so we alternate the toys so she thinks it's something new. We only brought plastic so we could easily sanitize them. 

The hospital provides for their patient, the baby. So formula, juice, diapers and wipes are free and you should take full advantage.

For the parents:

My new motto: "make yourself at home"

1. Firm pillows and sleeping bags and/or comforter - The furniture is hard and the pillows here  are a joke. You will need a firm pillow to protect your head from the hard spots on the bed or wall. The comforter can be doubled-up if you are sleeping on a hard bed so you have more cushion. It may seem like a bulky addition (because it is) but you can stash it away during the day and it will be worth it to avoid aches and pains at night
2. Water bottles - You can refill them from the tap, just make sure to drink lots of water. The lack of sleep will make your face puffy enough. You need water to make yourself feel better.
3. Gum - For your breathe, you will need it.
4. Toiletries - This is obvious of course but make sure you don't miss anything. Bring shampoo, conditioner, face wash tooth brush - all of it. I assume all hospitals have showers.
5. A towel - back to the point about scratchy towels. 
6. Technology - keeping up with the rest of the world is the only way you will feel like the rest of the world is still happening. Being cooped up in a hospital makes time stand still. 

Unlike preparing for the hospital stay before you give birth, the ER is unexpected. You probably won't pack much when you first drop in because you don't know if your child will even be admitted unless it's truly serious and in that case you don't even have time to think about packing a bag. 

I guess most of this is applicable to anyone's hospital stay. It's important to appreciate the service and care you are getting  and although it's nothing like a hotel stay there's no reason not to make yourself feel better about being there. 

I'd also suggest avoiding fast food and cafeteria food. If someone offers to bring you something, let them. My mom brought my favorite home-cooked dinner one night. My sister brought us warm cookies and milk (Joe's favorite) another night. These things made us feel normal. We felt more human eating things that weren't wrapped in plastic. 

This trip to the hospital isn't about us. It's about Emmy 

emmy in the hospital

Let's start with a brief history of the past week: Tuesday, December 4th we noticed Emmy coughing a lot and by 7pm she had a fever. I could feel something rattling in her chest when she breathed and knew it was time to go to the doctor. We took her in mid-day on Wednesday and she was diagnosed with bronchiolitis. The doctor gave us albeterol and I stayed home with her on Thursday and she did great, napping and playing but running out of breath a little easily. I gave her a breathing treatment every 4 hours and that seemed to help. That night, she got worse fast. Her fever popped up and her breathing was really fast. She kept crying because she couldn't sleep and when I held her to my chest she felt like hot jello. We got scared and took her to the Children's ER at 1am. 

The Children's hospital in Birmingham has recently been remodeled and is beautiful. The private room we got in the ER was sufficient and clean. The nurses said Emmy's oxygen level was low but suctioned out her nose and wanted to keep her off oxygen as long as possible. I didn't understand why they were hesitant until they put her on it. She screamed and cried and screamed some more for 4 hours straight. She HATED that thing in her nose. By mid-morning she wore herself and we were able to get her to sleep although she would only sleep if we were holding her.

We got a real room around 1pm on Friday and I was excited to see the new rooms until we found ourselves in the old building, one floor under the one currently being renovated (as in, it occassionally sounds as if bricks are falling on our ceiling). Our room that overlooks a concrete wall so we don't get daylight. The furniture is old, the pleather worn and ripped and uncomfortable as hell. You may think since I am describing this in the beginning that it was my main concern. It wasn't. I walked in like "I can make this work, all that matter is that Emmy gets better. It'll just be a day or two. It's like camping without any fresh air." 

The first day was rough, she was sweating and crying all day. Her fever would spike and they kept her on motrin and oxygen. By Friday night she was breathing better at was able to come off the oxygen for short periods. She wasn't able to get enough liquids so they had to start an IV. She did surprisingly well with it and it definitely perked her up a bit.

 I started to get excited on Saturday when the doctors said her lungs sounded much better but her congestion was still preventing her from reaching good oxygen levels. Then her fevers came back and they discovered another ear infection. We started to think we may be able to leave on Sunday. Unfortunately, her O2 levels dropped again and she needed oxygen. 

On Sunday her attitude turned around completely. She started laughing and smiling. We danced like monkeys around her crib just to get a laugh. Her IV fell out and they let it stay out since she started eating again. My mom told me not to get my hopes up but I already started imagining her home in her bed, me taking her to the park to watch Rufus run and getting her some fresh air. Joe's mom stayed Sunday night so Joe and I could get some rest. At 10 pm we found out they wanted to put the IV back in. Not long after that, she had to go back on oxygen. We felt like we were taking steps backwards and it took some mind-manipulating to convince myself that it was actually going to help her get better quicker. 

I was happy to stay Monday night. I brought a lamp from home and we made ourselves comfortable. Emmy was up until 10 dancing and crawling but once she fell asleep we only had to wake up to help a nurse or to walk off the bruises we were getting from the planks poking through the hospital couch-beds. At midnight her oxygen fell out and she was able to keep her O2 above 90 most of the time. I woke up at 6am so excited. The O2 was officially off, she was sleeping and her levels were high enough. We were going home!! 

NOT. By the time the doctors came in at 10am her levels started to drop, she was dozing for a nap and we couldn't keep her levels up. I honestly think that the doctors stress her out and that's part of it but it didn't matter, we weren't going home. I cried. I begged the doctor to consider the value of daylight, fresh air and her own bed as valuable tools to heal someone. She agreed but said we don't have oxygen at home and a humidifier won't suffice for her. We could wake up to find a blue baby. She could still develop pneumonia and she needed constant monitoring. I think we understood each other and I am still coming to terms with her decision. 

I keep asking myself, am I being selfish because I want to go home? Shouldn't I trust the doctors to make the best decisions? I try not to get cynical and wonder if the doctors are just following a written protocol to avoid lawsuits. I don't have anything against Children's Hospital. The nurses and doctors have been great. The facility is already working on remodeling and although I hope I'm never back I'm sure that if I am it will be a much nicer stay. 

We are still at the hospital so I'll have to follow-up with another post after the emotions have settled. I am also excited to do a post about a Hospital survival kit to help anyone else who gets stuck in the hospital with a sick child. A happy mommy and daddy will make a happier and healthier baby so tonight I'm going to pack all the things I've been trying to do without. I don't care if it's just one more night. I'm going to be comfortable and I should have started off that way.