happiness

The Happy Movie

Joe and I watched a documentary called "Happy" tonight. We were about to turn on Indiana Jones for the 100th time but a coworker had recommended this about a year ago so we gave it a shot. You should definitely watch this movie. It is (not surprising here) about happiness and what really makes people happy. Is it money, success, fame, family? Yes and no. What I got out of this is that it's dopamine. And, to get that dopamine pumping, you have to exercise, be kind and compassionate, love and laugh. 

It's weird how I know that exercise will make me happier yet I never feel like doing it. I think that goes back to doing exercise for the sake of losing weight. I don't like that. In this movie, people weren't "working out" they were surfing, gardening, running, hunting and playing games. I loved walking around London, New York and DC. I enjoyed watching people and being surrounded by the beautiful architecture. I love to ski. Every chance I have ever had to ski I have done it all day, until my arms and legs were jello and then I got up and did it some more. Everyone needs to find something physical that they enjoy doing and make it happen. I'm going to have to find something new since skiing and walking aren't so fun in Alabama.

I've always believed that happiness was mostly perspective. My job isn't particularly glamorous but I find ways to be happy about it. i like my coworkers, I like my freedom and I like getting to know new people all the time. It's hard work. It is stressful and there are many times I have to tell people bad news. But it wouldn't be work if it was all good. The documentary focused on poor people who were found to be very happy with what they had. They put such a large emphasis on their family and the love they shared made them happy. One guy's job was to literally run barefoot on rocky and dusty roads carrying up to 3 people in a cart behind him. He was so happy because this job allowed him to provide for his family and he was proud of that. 

There were also bits about how Japanese people work so hard that they have become the world's unhappiest population. Denmark ranked as the happiest population and the documentary gave credit to free healthcare and education through college as well as a fairly common communal living practice. I would love to visit Denmark and see what else it might be, I'm not buying those reasons. 

When other people have talked about being depressed, it has always been hard for me to relate. The closest I came to being truly depressed was shortly after I had Emmy. It was a case of "baby blues" exasperated by the hormonal ups and downs caused by breast feeding. I made the decision to quit breast feeding so that I would be happier. It worked and I can look back and laugh at myself for being so sensitive. I'm not going to post advice for people who are legitimately depressed for this reason. 

I do think that the movie left one thing out: that the key to happiness is also to look forward. It was a common factor that linked many of the happy individuals. They talked about their future, their goals, who they wanted to be and what they wanted to do. People who focus on the past can't find happiness. If you think about the mistakes you made, the things you did or didn't do, the things you were not given or the love that you didn't have... you will not find happiness there. You can only find it by deciding that your past cannot hurt you now. You can be anything you want to be today and tomorrow is always a fresh start. 

wallpaper

I made a wallpaper! And you can have it if you want!

This is my favorite Harry Potter quote. Ron Weasley is my favorite character and I love that these were Dumbledore's final words to him. I miss Harry Potter so now it's on my laptop's background.

I'll even include a higher resolution version if someone else can tell me how to do it so that it doesn't take over the whole page. Like how people have links to a new window where you can view it in full size. I can't figure that out. 

a resolution (of sorts)

I get kind of weird about new year's resolutions. I wonder what's the point and I don't believe half the people who make them have the slightest intention of keeping them.

 I get this way about giving things up for lent too. People do it for all the wrong reasons and then they inevitably fail. I start to think I'm too good for all that. This year, I kind of want a do-over. I want to make a resolution with myself to use a new year as a chance to start over and change a few things.  

What am I starting over? Everything kind of. 2012 was great, don't get me wrong. I gave birth (and rocked it), I have smiled more than ever in my life watching my little girl develop her personality, I've been more successful on the career front than I ever would have hoped and we were able to take care of some debt despite the $800/month paid to daycare. 

So, I want to start over myself. I was the only thing I didn't like about 2012. I didn't lose the baby weight like I should have. I didn't exercise. Like, ever. Maybe twice. I didn't cook as healthy as I know I can (I like to cook healthy food but I was just too lazy and cheap). And, most of all, I wasn't a good wife. I'm going to work on me and hope that Joe sees it. He thinks I'm too reactive and I get upset too easily so I'm going to work on that. Damn, that feels honest and embarrassing at the same time. 

I've already started and even though I began my day dragging loads of boxes to the street because I didn't want to nag Joe, it felt good that there wasn't a fight. I rejoined the YMCA and I am going to find time to go. I actually like exercising (as long as I am not cold, hot, bored or being yelled at). I'm getting my thyroid removed on the 14th. I'm going to focus on watching my body very carefully as I transition to synthroid to make sure I am not too irritable with others as my energy fluctuates. 

When I glance up I see a lot of "I's" but don't let that confuse you. I Me is going to be mostly focused on Emmy, Joe and work but I'm going to keep myself in the back of my mind, making sure I remember why my resolution to be healthier and more laid back will help me have more fun with my family. 

  

be kind

Sometimes, I think we forget that people have feelings. 

All of us. That person standing next to you in line at the DMV, the boy bagging your groceries, your neighbor, your husband, your coworkers and even your boss. Everyday we pass people and we forget that they are actually people, living a whole life and having feelings. We affect each other. We can't help it, we're sensitive beings.

I got to thinking about how there is this one person I don't like. I think she is selfish and disrespects other people, she is rude, back stabbing and inconsiderate (let me tell you how I really feel). Then I thought about how she might say that about everyone else. How it might hurt her feelings that she is unliked, unappreciated, disrespected, how people talk about her and how, more than anything, she is misunderstood.

Joe was the first man to teach me how boys are human, how they have feelings and can be hurt. My dad was a sensitive man but I was unsure of boys. I didn't think they were insecure like me. My parents told me I intimidated boys but surely all parents tell their kids that. I found out later that I could be intimidating and I liked to do it intentionally just for fun. 

I remember the first time I hurt Joe's feelings. It was our first fight and I had told him he wasn't "man enough" to stand up to the fraternity guys who kept walking through his room while we were watching a movie. He said, "FINE. THE NEXT PERSON WHO WALKS IN THAT DOOR IS GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE". Then a girl walked in and he gladly showed her the way to the bathroom. We both laughed and got over it.  After that, I usually did it when my feelings were hurt but I was too prideful to admit it so I would go all cold eyes and say something I didn't mean to get a reaction, to make him hurt like me. 

The thing is, it's not just the people we love that we hurt. Sometimes, it's that bagger who asked about your day and you ignored, it's the elderly man who tries to talk to you in line and you just stare at your phone and pretend you can't hear him. It's your coworker who is always coming up short on their job, sitting there coping with depression and finding it hard to look forward to another day in the office. 

I don't have many bad things in my life. Sometimes I forget that other people do. Some people are fighting real battles and they have real feelings that I can hurt.

I think we should instate a "feelings appreciation day" to remember to be nice to each other. To help one another, even if you are the one always doing the helping. Even if that person doesn't seem to appreciate you. You never know who is standing on the edge of the battle, teetering on the edge and wondering if it's worth the fight anymore. Sometimes it only takes a smile, a small gesture of kindness to give them one more day in the fight.