the terrible two days

This is Emmy. She asked for some apples. Joe didn't get the apples to her quickly enough.
Apparently, nobody loves her.

Of course, I heard about this stage.  I've heard that children throw tantrums, scream, cry, throw themselves down on the ground and flail around. Those kids are terrible and their parents suck.
 My kid would never do that. I wouldn't allow it. 
I had this all planned out.  I would give my child "the look" and he or she would submit to me quietly. I would casually return to  my adult conversation or my leisurely stroll through Target. I might pity the other mothers with screaming babies but I wouldn't judge them, they are trying their best. 
Then, I had Emmy. She is a sweet, loving child. She is ticklish, giggly, affectionate and smart. This may come as a surprise to you... but she can be terrible too.
The thing that surprised me the most entering this stage is that I'm not mad... I don't even want to spank her most of the time. I want to hold her and give her what she wants (but I know better than that).
 I tried getting mad at her, making myself and my voice bigger than her but it only made things worse, she'd start yelling or crying so hysterically it made it impossible for me to get through to her. I tried gently popping her bottom or her hand and sometimes she cried but most of the time she just hit me back. Now I'm teaching her to get physical when she gets mad. Most of the time, her behavior is directly related to food or sleep. When she is tired she gets cranky, impatient and sensitive. Those are also the three words I would use to describe the terrible twos.
I talked to Joe's grandmother when Emmy was having a meltdown in front of her, she said "She's completely normal. She's doing exactly what she's supposed to be doing. Just ignore her." So, is that the secret? To show them that a meltdown gets no results: no response, no attention, and no rewards? Could the solution be so simple? 
I used to watch 18 Kids and Counting and watch the Duggar mother calmly discipline her children. She never, ever yelled or spanked them and they were all so good.  I'm not against spanking but I do believe that you can discipline with eye contact and a calm voice. Emmy is already learning to use her words and I'm going to encourage her to listen to me and to tell me what she wants politely.
It's not hard for me to find a time to test my theories. When I picked Emmy up from daycare today, her teacher told me she talked to her baby for the entire nap hour and she never slept. I wasn't surprised when she had her first meltdown after dinner. She tried to pick up and throw my DSLR camera. Joe took it from her and she started screaming for it. Joe firmly told her NO then we ignored her. She threw herself to the ground, forcing herself to cry with her face pressed against the floor. It was hard, but we didn't laugh, we didn't comfort her and we continued to talk to each other as if nothing was happening. 
After a while her sobs faded and Joe went over and asked if she was tired. He picked her up and she melted in his arms. It was so much less dramatic than trying to teach her a lesson while she was hysterical.
My boss has this quote taped to his desk and I saw it today and thought of how true it is in life. It is easy to react to the emotions and temperament of others, it is much harder to set the mood and hang on to it when others try to break it down. 

Emmy is testing us, trying to find our buttons to get a reaction. She wants to see how much she can get away with. But she is also watching us. She is watching how we interact with each other, how we deal with problems and she is absorbing it all.
 It won't be easy, but I'll have to channel the inner Duggar and make my buttons less sensitive and set the house temperature at chill.
 Anybody want to donate some wine to the Henson household?