I had to run a few errands today after work. I thought it would be fun to take Emmy with me. (Why do I continue to think that!?)
She had a long day at daycare and because her lame mother forgot to pack another spare outfit, her teachers had to dig up her old spare which happened to be a 9-month size. She's in 18 months now. It was a bit tight. She was hot and tired but I dragged her to the car wash and then Staples for a few supplies.
Ever since Emmy learned to walk, holding her has been pretty impossible. I let her walk the aisle while I shopped pens (I have a pen problem) and tracked her down just before she attempted to walk up one of those tall, "employee only" stock ladders of death. One point for mom.
Every time I picked her up, she fought and wiggled until I let her down and she would jet off towards the back of the store. All the pens, the perfectly smooth paper, bright post-its and clitchy office decor kept distracting me so I would let her just barely out of sight. The store was mostly empty but I would jog after her, pick her up and well... repeat.
After maybe 10 minutes, I decided to check out. As I was waiting in line, she managed to pull down crackers, pens and gum so I was back to holding my wiggly child, purse, and loot. As we checked out she started making weird growling noises and tried to press all the buttons on the card payment thing. If I told her "No" she'd withdraw her hands and growl again. I looked up to the cashier to apologize and she was making a disapproving face to the cashier behind me. Like, "this kid is bad and this mother is negligent". I smiled and said, "she's had a long day and she's wearing 2 sizes too small to boot! ha ha" and... nothing.
As we walked out, Emmy waived goodbye to the cashier who didn't waive back. This was the first time someone wasn't adoring her, telling me how sweet and pretty she is, and interacting with her directly. I don't blame the cashier, she clearly doesn't have kids and she doesn't understand how their moods change without having learned social discipline to hide it.
What this made me think about was how many times I saw kids behaving badly and quickly decided that the parents were too lenient. Sometimes, I'm sure they were but parenting is harder than I thought it would be.
I haven't spanked Emmy yet. Honestly, I'm afraid to.
I can't bare the look of hurt in her eyes. I don't want her to fear me yet. Maybe that's selfish. I know how important it is to teach her how to behave. My parents spanked me and I know there were many times the fear of their discipline reinforced my choice to do right over wrong. Does Emmy know right and wrong yet? I think she knows more than we give her credit for.
When she acts out, hits us, screams, or throws something we tell her NO. Sometimes she cries, sometimes she laughs and occasionally she just walks away. We tried "time out" after she attempted to bite Joe and she laughed and played in her chair. We felt dooped. It was also a little scary seeing our perfect, sweet little girl doing something mean.
I know that this is normal, I know that we can teach her to behave when she is frustrated or bored. It's just.. I guess we are really parents now. My babysitting days are over.
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