a weekend with the hensons

Friday night was girl's night. Joe had a work party so we stayed home, watched movies and Emmy got to try ice cream for the first time. It was magical.

Emmy is really starting to appreciate her toys. This is the face we get all the time now. She holds and pats her soft toys, smacks the hard ones to hear the sound it makes and puts everything else in her mouth to see how it feels.

I just love her... snot, drool and all (and look at those teeth!!).

Then we did a little of the dreaded baby-proofing. We have avoided it because we believe in teaching her natural boundaries and how to use the stairs, not avoid them. But we didn't want her pulling bleach or heavy pots out of the cabinets so a few precautionary steps were taken. We'll make up our mind about the stairs when she starts walking (and she is so close!).

Then I did a little "gardening" with my sister's help. Basically, she held a shovel full of dirt while I shoved these into the planters. Somehow, I developed a rash or several small cuts on my arm from holding the tree. Then, Courtney dropped the shovel on my head and Joe laughed while she apologized profusely. I will not be including a picture of our backyard because it looks terrible for this very reason.

 We had evergreens like these for 2 years and they died during last summer's drought. I had never watered them but I'm going to do better this time. They look stately and I am proud of them when I pull up the drive. Completely worth the rash.

Sunday morning we got all dressed up and went to church. I love this dress on Emmy. I bought it over a year ago, online at Gap for something like $7. It was the only size still available and I was sad I wouldn't get to see her in it for so long but this dress was made for her. It is so sweet, soft pink with ivory stitching and the silhouette is just beautiful. I wish I could have her in it everyday. Except it has to be ironed and I don't even iron my own clothes so that couldn't happen.

After church we went to a local greek restaurant. Emmy LOVED their hummus. She also liked the salmon and rice. Saturday night she tried a little fried grouper and went nuts over it. I am so relieved that she is getting more open to food. We still feed her out of the plum organic pouches at least once a day. I like that there are fruits and vegetables mixed together so even if it's a step back on baby food vs people food, I think the nutritional content is worth it. 

We made a quick stop at World Market for Easter decorations. I felt a little bad waking Emmy up to go in the store but she found a comfy spot on Joe's shoulder. It reminded me of long Sundays with my family when we lived in Gulfport. My grandfather was an Episcopal priest so we were at church every Sunday and we stayed for most of the day. The memories of that church come back so easily. 

I remember every hall, every room, the bricks in the garden, the bell that we rang just before service and for some reason, the kitchen. The taste of donut holes, apple juice and animal crackers take me back to that church, running around in a pretty dress, ducking under tables and playing with my friends. We could see the ocean from the church and there is something so infinite about the ocean that helps a little girl understand God a little better. 

We started going to church more often again after Emmy was baptized. Our priest said that his biggest pet-peeve was to baptize a child in a beautiful gown and then never see them again. It had been a while since I had been to church regularly and I wanted Emmy to have the memories I have about church. The sooner and more often we take her, the more likely she is to make friends, to feel comfortable and to find her own way with religion. Sundays with church are fun but the afternoon naps are the best.

Oh, and this was my little Easter centerpiece project... kinda cheesy but I couldn't help myself. The bunny looks a little sad because I got bored with it and wanted to take a nap so i just called it done. I want to have more spring in our house, I get so excited about each season now. Kids really do make the holidays so much more fun!

thyroidectomy update: 5.5 weeks later

The scar (my only original concern) looks so much better!

(I still think pictures like this are very weird but I wanted to see lots of them when I was about to do this surgery so I decided to post them anyway)

4 weeks post-op

5 weeks post-op

I thought the scar would bother me. I stocked up on scarves and crew neck shirts only to find that if I can't see it, I forget about it. I really don't notice people staring either so I don't think it's very noticeable. The only product I use is "scaraway" and I use it every morning and night. 

The synthroid seems to be working. The prescription I picked up immediately after surgery was for 25mcg. I took this for 10 days and I felt miserable. I called my endocrinologist and he almost didn't believe me when I told him the dose. It turns out that my surgeon had some poorly placed letters and numbers so my prescription was supposed to read 125mcg NOT 25 and so yeah, I was tired and fairly miserable. 

The weird thing is, I lost weight. I wasn't very hungry and I got nauseous after eating very little. But my appetite came back pretty quickly after I got on my corrected dose. After a few weeks at my current dose of 137, I think I'm going to see about increasing it more at my follow-up visit in a few weeks. 

The truth is, I don't know what normal energy levels are. I don't know what a good metabolism is because I've had Hashimotos most of my life. The only time I have ever lost weight is when I took diet pills which gave me lots of energy and helped me to lose 20 lbs. I stopped taking them when I got pregnant. Pregnancy made me tired too(in addition to lack of coffee!). Then I had a baby and I was tired from that. (insert lots of lazy positions on a couch, half asleep) That's what I have been looking like for the past year- not attractive). 

As far as the surgery recovery goes, the only complaint I have had is with my voice. I never thought the vocal cords being paralyzed would bother me so much. But I never thought I would be in pain when I tried to sing! People, singing in the car is my thing. I do it every morning, it makes me happy before work and I just love it. The best days are when no one else is in the car and I can turn the music up so loud that I can't hear myself and I sound so much better! My voice is pretty low right now, it gets raspy if I get stressed or tired and I cannot sing anything. It hurts so bad and the voice is just not there when I try to go up in tone. I can't project my voice either so no yelling at people and ordering at Starbucks is physically painful.

My voice also surprises me sometimes. I usually make an excited voice when I wake Emmy up or see her for the first time after work but the sound that comes out frightens even me. It's like the louder and higher pitch I go for, the lower and more masculine it sounds. I've been told that eventually my voice will come back but at nearly 6 weeks I'm honestly a little worried. I don't know what to do to help it along, should I drink warm water with lemon or save my voice when possible? Should I try to exercise it more or something, like singers warm up?

I'm still so happy I did it. The other day I was at a friend's house and a girl told me I looked like I had lost 15 pounds in my face. I'm pretty sure she meant that as a compliment. I've also found that lots of people have thyroid problems which is why I decided to add this in to my blog, in case it helps someone else.

emmy's harlem shake

So this whole Harlem Shake phenomenon is pretty impressive. I'm not sure how it got started but it reaffirms my belief that everyone is a little crazy on the inside and sometimes it just feels so good to let it out. 

Emmy loves to dance, it took about 30 seconds to videotape her doing it and about 10 minutes to mash it up to the song. If I was really skilled, there would be poodles and cats hopping in the background. 

one.

The one year old Emmy has been both incredibly fun and terribly challenging. With her independence and personality developing, we are getting to know Emmy more everyday. I love that she is decisive and opinionated... even if it means that I'm not always going to get my way.

There are little things that she does that makes me so full of joy. She will point at a stuffed toy so that I can bring it to her so she can kiss and hug on it. She crawls over to her Baby Einstein turtle and smacks the switch to make the music play so she can dance. Emmy isn't a baby anymore. She thinks for herself and remembers where things are, what to do in different situations and best of all, she knows us. She hears our voice when we go to school to pick her up and she whips around and smiles, crawling as fast as she can to get to us. 

Joe and I spend most of our weekend days watching the progress her mind has made over the past week. It's hard not having her all day, every day to make sure that she gets everything she needs, lots of attention and extra kisses. She is absolutely so much fun right now.

Then there's the other side of it. With independence, memory and mobility development there is also now a kid who is not content just being along for the ride. She decided that she would prefer to drive the cart and I decided it wasn't worth the fight (I held on tight to her). Shopping, in general, isn't as much fun because she isn't content to sit still. She wants to inspect everything that goes in the buggy and she tosses out what she doesn't want. Then, about halfway through she decides that she prefers to be held so I hold her just so she can lean forward and try to drive the cart herself. I'm telling you, I SPEED through Target these days.

We go out to eat and she isn't always content with the toys we bring, she sometimes will eat with us and other times she will dump all food on the floor. Food has been a new hurdle altogether. Why did I think transitioning to real food would be fun!? I imagined us all eating together, sitting around the table and discussing our days. I was so wrong! 

Emmy decides whether she likes something by looking at it for 1 second. If she likes it she will eat 75% of it then dump the rest on the floor. If she decides not to like it (without tasting it) she will give it a nasty look then dump it on the floor (thank God for dogs). If she loves it, she will hold grip it in her hand and hold it tight for 20 minutes until I unfold her fingers to retrieve the wet, globby mess and endure the screaming protest. 

I thought she ate her blueberries the other day but it turned out that she was sucking on them then spitting them out in her lap. I found them eventually, stained all over her pants and all up in the cracks of her highchair. 

I actually really don't get that upset about this stuff. I realize that I have to be patient which is hard for me but years of babysitting have taught me to be kind or silly when I want to get angry. I'm not exactly a total pushover though, when the sippy cup hits the floor for the third time in a 5 minute period it simply does not get picked up. 

All of these adjustments have been bearable. The one thing that has been so hard for us is the attachment issues. They started a few weeks ago when we dropped her off at daycare. She would start crying and try to hold on to us. This made it so hard to start the day, I wanted to run away with her and sneak her under my desk at work. When we took Emmy out with family or friends, she only wanted me or Joe to hold her. Aw, so sweet, I'm your favorite! Wait... my arms are sore, I'm trying to go to the bathroom and these people are offering to help... let me go!

Then she started getting upset at bedtime. No matter how tired she was, she would stand up in her crib screaming, crying and even choking on her tears and Joe and I could not bear it. We went in a few times during the night to calm her down. I wanted to be strong but I couldn't handle thinking she was scared, I imagined that she felt abandoned and it was so simple for me to go in and hold her to make her feel safe. 

I have learned two things from this phase: 
1. Hand her to a friend then run away so she can't see us.
2. Bedtime is 8:30 now, she can cuddle in our bed for a little while but no one goes back when the crying starts. 

Here's to getting to know your one year old. This is mine, ready to cuddle and watch some Downton Abbey with her mama.

operation 24hr birthday party: success!

Emmy's birthday was close to perfect. We really lucked up with the weather and had highs in the 60's in early February (oh, Alabama you came through for once!). On the day we took Emmy home last year, it was freezing and snowing... you never know what you will get here. We tossed the football, watched Rufus gallop, played on the swing sets and grilled some burgers. 

I even stayed on budget. Here's how it broke down:

Food for 14 people: $95
Just hamburger meat, hot dogs, buns, chips, dips, sweet tea and beer. I also picked up the utensils, plates, napkins and cute straws- all from Target, all while my husband cried about being hungry. Do you know how hard it is to plan a last-minute party while shopping in the world's most distracting store while your husband and child whine about being hungry... in a GROCERY STORE?! So yeah, I sent Joe and Emmy off to get their own food. 

Decorations: $23
I thought I was too late to get cute things that said "1st Birthday" because I assumed that was an Etsy buy or maybe I would have to search local gift shops but Party City had some great choices! I went in for a dozen balloons and came out with party hats, a bib and tablecloth. Sidenote: buying balloons for my kid's birthday made me feel really adult all of a sudden. I realized I had never purchased them and I wasn't sure what to do so I just sulked around the counter stretching balloons until someone asked me if they could help. Then I blabbered about my kid's first birthday and wanting shades of pink and the sweet guy just picked the colors for me.

Cake/Smash Cupcakes: $30 (okay, $40 but I had a $10 gift card so technically still on budget)
I saw this cake on their website for Valentine's day and when I called they said they keep them in stock so I didn't have to custom order. Easy! And, it was only $32 - maybe it's just me but I thought that was a steal! Again, my first time buying a cake. I actually prefer the taste of homemade cakes but I wanted this to be special. Emmy loved her cupcake. Or at least the icing anyway.

Grand total: $148.00

Most people ended up bringing their own beer which was great since our 18 went really fast waiting 2 hours for the grill to heat up. That outdoor grill was the only hiccup the whole day. It took so long for the coals to get hot that everyone had filled up on beer and chips. 

my sweet sister, Courtney!

this wagon is going to be awesome, I can't wait to use it!

We brought a football and my dad bought Emmy this awesome Radio Flyer that she got to ride around in. I was busy making sure everything was laid out and being sociable so it was nice that my sister was able to capture the moment on her camera. She's really talented and having her saved a lot of money. 

In retrospect, I should have known that I wouldn't be able to get out of a party and I should have planned a little better just to avoid the last minute stress. There was no way my family was going to let me out of having a party and I am so glad they didn't. Emmy loved it. She loved everyone doting on her, being outside, watching her puppy play and eating cake! I am so proud of this sweet girl and   our first year with her has been full of joy, I just can't wait to get to know her this year.

my momma and emmy

rufus snufus, the best dog in the world

my daddy and my baby

operation: birthday party

Who's got the prettiest blue eyes and her first birthday party tomorrow??

This girl!

First off, I can't believe we have had our sweet girl for a year already. As much as it seems our life was a blur before her, the time with her has gone by even faster. I want to do a proper birthday party and first year post but this is not that post.

This one is about my thoughts on a one-year-old's birthday party. I follow other mom's blogs and am a little frustrated at the levels that some moms go to for a first birthday. Professional photography, customized outfits, full on themes with extravagant handmade decorations, catered food and dammit - just plain beautiful parties. I love it and yet I HATE IT. It's so much money for something that is more likely to make your kid squeem under the pressure of so many eyeballs and unfamiliar items floating around. 

I wanted Emmy's day to be special but I wanted it to be a day full of her favorite things just for her. So, a day at the park watching her poodle run around, long naps and lots of dancing with her parent's undivided attention. That's an Emmy day. But maybe that's selfish of us, to keep her day for ourselves.

So at the last minute Joe and I decided to throw together a picnic for Emmy and invite the family and friends. 

Budget: $150.00
Timeline: 24 hours

Think I can do it? I hope so! But in the end, all that matters is that my sweet girl has a good weekend. She truly deserves it. 

little beyonce

When Emmy was around 4 or 5 months old she started "dancing". I put dancing in quotations because it was really just rocking back and forth but she only did it when music was playing. The ladies at the daycare said she only danced for Beyonce, specifically "crazy in love" so they played it for her and nicknamed her Beyonce. 

She started dancing like.. all the time. It got to the point that she was doing it without music and I asked her pediatrician if that was normal or if we should be concerned. He smiled and said it was completely normal, just a kid's way of expending energy. Good. So now I'm working on teaching her how to shake her booty too. 

My mom babysat Emmy so Joe and I could watch the SuperBowl with some friends and at half time I got so excited I asked mom to videotape Emmy so I could see if she was dancing.

Of course she was! 

My sweet girl, she loves her Beyonce.

update on making the marriage/parenting thing work

About a month ago I wrote this post about how becoming parents changed our marriage dynamic. The more mobile Emmy became, the more we had to do to keep her entertained. Feedings and diaper changes became more of a pain and we negotiated on these responsibilities. 

So I wrote about it. I let Joe read it first to make sure it was okay. We had talked about the problem so he wasn't surprised. He didn't even offer up a solution but said it was fine to post. I'm not surprised about that or saying I expected him to say or do something remarkable right after a blog post. Things kinda stayed the same for a little while. We didn't bargain but we weren't enjoying the responsibilities either. 

Then I had my thyroid removed. I was in the hospital for 24 hours and my mom kept Emmy so we had a break. The doctor told me I couldn't lift my baby for a week. A WEEK!? I couldn't stand the thought of her clinging to my legs and me not holding her. I was in so much pain though, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it for a few days. In fact, for a few days I couldn't do much. I was on some strong pain meds and I was exhausted so Joe took over.

He did everything, taking Emmy to and from school, feedings, diaper changes, packing her bag, giving her a bath and rocking her to sleep. All I could do is help by physically being there, having a diaper or wipe at the ready, fetching towels and clothes and heating up the bottles. And you know what? That was the answer. We were both participating in everything. 

Joe needed to take control, I needed to let go and we needed to do more together. It's hard, but we try not to look at our phones, tablets, or laptops from 5 until 7:30 when Emmy goes to bed. She gets our undivided attention and we have family time. We help each other out at bath time and when she has to be dressed (she now HATES getting dressed and screams/cries the whole time) so we laugh about it so we don't fight or start crying ourselves.

 We went weeks without a deal. Now it's mostly paper/rock/scissors or little trades but it's not nearly as bad as before. I would be lying if I said I don't keep track of who does what. I just bite my tongue as often as I can and we don't bark out our accomplishments when we want to get out of something (most of the time).

With Emmy learning to walk any day now, we are about to forfeit even more time but I think changing our minds about how we see time with her was the first step to being better parents. She is so fun, so happy and as her personality develops... she has become so opinionated. She knows what she wants and she has a determined spirit(the nice way of saying by-God SHE WILL HAVE IT NOW). So, we are working on that too. 

I guess my point is that all couples are constantly "working" on their relationship... working on communication, responsibility, honesty, etc. But kids do add a stress factor. They are financially, emotionally and physically exhausting. 

And yet, there is not one thing I wouldn't do for my daughter. I would literally throw myself in front of Voldemort (Lilly Potter style) to save her and I never, not for one moment regret having her. Children are amazing. She makes me feel whole and her laughter is the best sound I have ever or will ever hear. I have never been particularly religious but I pray to God everyday that he will let me keep her and watch her grow old and let me die first please. 

Yet I remember too that Joe is my best friend. He's the best dad, his heart is always in the right place and I look forward to our future. We have plans to travel when our kids graduate high school. We will take them places too, of course, but we will not let our kids become our entire life because our job is to raise them to adulthood and help them develop strong minds and hearts and then let them go. So we have to be there for each other the whole way so that in the end, we will still be married and our kids will be able to find their way without worrying about either parent's happiness or security. 

Then, as my mom often does, we will bribe them with food and free babysitting so we can do it all over again.

the hospital bag

I can't believe it's February. Exactly one year ago I was two weeks from my due date and completely freaking out about what to do with myself. I had no idea what to expect. I googled and pinned everything I could find about the hospital experience. When I went into labor a week early, a sudden calm came over me. Joe grabbed our bags and I knew that whatever was coming was out of my control. I was along for the ride nearly as much as everyone else. I can't explain it, but childbirth (for me) came pretty naturally. No matter how you have your child, as long as you are in a hospital surrounded by family and friends, IT WILL BE OKAY. 

These are the things I was so happy I had packed. There were other things I never even touched and after we added gifts and a baby, we had a lot to carry home. Keep it simple and focus on your own comfort. The hospital has your baby covered, your husband can go home and fetch the things he forgot. 

1. Boppy for learning to nurse, making your friends feel more secure holding your newborn and for making that hospital bed just a little more comfy.

2. Comfortable but supportive pants (I had these). You want something to hold in your surprisingly still large belly. Nothing uncomfortable should be allowed in your room but I found the belly support in gap's pants to be comforting.

3. Nursing Bra and/or tanks. I actually just loved this bra. It doesn't have an underwire and is very comfortable. I bought two really good nursing tanks and still wear them on the weekends without a bra. Again, support is essential and I was basically DD or E or just huge and both of these products worked for me. Also: when the milk came in I slept in these tanks so the leaky pad things would stay in place and I wouldn't wake up in a puddle of milk.

4. Black underwear, nothing too sexy here. You will need your underwear to support a newspaper-sized pad (I'm not even kidding). I heard that some hospitals provide mesh panties, St. Vincent's in Birmingham did not. Just giant pads. 

5.  A robe to quickly cover up and keep warm while nursing. I liked that this one had pockets I could keep chapstick and lanolin in. Bonus: the lanolin gets warm staying close to your body which makes it so much less painful to put on!

6. Cosmetic Bag with: makeup, toothbrush, toothpaste, gum, face wash, lotion, shampoo, conditioner and brush (also, contact stuff and glasses if that applies to you). These are items you can't pack ahead of time since you use them everyday. Do yourself a favor and have them ready to go. I never took this bag to work with me but I kept it ready so that Joe would be able to go home and grab one thing without worrying if he had it all. 

7. I opted for socks over flip-flops. I packed a few soft pairs and switched them out day and night. 

8. 4 cute outfits for your baby, two sized Newborn or Preemie, two in 0-3 months. One is for hospital pictures and the other is for the ride home. My child was tiny, she only fit a preemie onesie from gap and wore hospital t-shirts most of the time. I had no idea that hospitals had photographers so be prepared but other than that, the t-shirts are great since they are wrapped like a burrito almost the whole time.


9. Don't forget the obvious: going home outfit for you, pillows, pajamas, cell phone and charger. DON'T FORGET THE CARSEAT! 

10. Your husband's stuff. Make sure he has an extra t-shirt, pillow, pajamas and a toothbrush. That's all he will need. 

You don't need as much for your baby as you might think. The hospital will provide diapers, wipes, formula (if you want it), shirts, nose cleaning bulb, hair brush, lotion and soap. They will wrap your baby up like a burrito with hospital-provided blankets. I love aiden + anais swaddling blankets but the nurses work magic with the ones they have. Emmy never took a pacifier but I have seen many babies take them at the hospital so pack it that's your thing.

Here's what I thought I might need but became a waste of space:

• Books, laptop, ipad, kindle - anything to entertain you. You will NOT need this. First off, you are having a baby... you are going to be very busy with nurses, doctors, visitors, pushing, crying, and then STARING at your child in complete awe. Eventually, you might get some sleep. Don't bring something that will keep you from that precious sleep. 
• Breast pumping/Nursing stuff - (at least for me) milk didn't actually come in until a few days after birth. I liked my nursing bra but if you don't like your bra, don't bother with it yet. Definitely don't pack a pump. The stuff that comes out before the milk (colostrum) is thick and your baby's sucking will be painful enough. Just don't stress about that yet.
• Frilly dresses and baby wear. Maybe this is just my opinion, but newborns are just so tiny and their skin is so fresh and delicate. 100% cotton and comfy is all I wanted on my baby.

In general, less is more. You cannot plan for childbirth to go your way. I think the first step to a relaxed birth is a relaxed bag. Just have confidence that the things you need will be provided to you by your partner, your family, your nurses and God. It will be okay, everything will work out. 

Hopefully, I didn't miss anything important here - anyone out there have something they couldn't have lived without?