one.

The one year old Emmy has been both incredibly fun and terribly challenging. With her independence and personality developing, we are getting to know Emmy more everyday. I love that she is decisive and opinionated... even if it means that I'm not always going to get my way.

There are little things that she does that makes me so full of joy. She will point at a stuffed toy so that I can bring it to her so she can kiss and hug on it. She crawls over to her Baby Einstein turtle and smacks the switch to make the music play so she can dance. Emmy isn't a baby anymore. She thinks for herself and remembers where things are, what to do in different situations and best of all, she knows us. She hears our voice when we go to school to pick her up and she whips around and smiles, crawling as fast as she can to get to us. 

Joe and I spend most of our weekend days watching the progress her mind has made over the past week. It's hard not having her all day, every day to make sure that she gets everything she needs, lots of attention and extra kisses. She is absolutely so much fun right now.

Then there's the other side of it. With independence, memory and mobility development there is also now a kid who is not content just being along for the ride. She decided that she would prefer to drive the cart and I decided it wasn't worth the fight (I held on tight to her). Shopping, in general, isn't as much fun because she isn't content to sit still. She wants to inspect everything that goes in the buggy and she tosses out what she doesn't want. Then, about halfway through she decides that she prefers to be held so I hold her just so she can lean forward and try to drive the cart herself. I'm telling you, I SPEED through Target these days.

We go out to eat and she isn't always content with the toys we bring, she sometimes will eat with us and other times she will dump all food on the floor. Food has been a new hurdle altogether. Why did I think transitioning to real food would be fun!? I imagined us all eating together, sitting around the table and discussing our days. I was so wrong! 

Emmy decides whether she likes something by looking at it for 1 second. If she likes it she will eat 75% of it then dump the rest on the floor. If she decides not to like it (without tasting it) she will give it a nasty look then dump it on the floor (thank God for dogs). If she loves it, she will hold grip it in her hand and hold it tight for 20 minutes until I unfold her fingers to retrieve the wet, globby mess and endure the screaming protest. 

I thought she ate her blueberries the other day but it turned out that she was sucking on them then spitting them out in her lap. I found them eventually, stained all over her pants and all up in the cracks of her highchair. 

I actually really don't get that upset about this stuff. I realize that I have to be patient which is hard for me but years of babysitting have taught me to be kind or silly when I want to get angry. I'm not exactly a total pushover though, when the sippy cup hits the floor for the third time in a 5 minute period it simply does not get picked up. 

All of these adjustments have been bearable. The one thing that has been so hard for us is the attachment issues. They started a few weeks ago when we dropped her off at daycare. She would start crying and try to hold on to us. This made it so hard to start the day, I wanted to run away with her and sneak her under my desk at work. When we took Emmy out with family or friends, she only wanted me or Joe to hold her. Aw, so sweet, I'm your favorite! Wait... my arms are sore, I'm trying to go to the bathroom and these people are offering to help... let me go!

Then she started getting upset at bedtime. No matter how tired she was, she would stand up in her crib screaming, crying and even choking on her tears and Joe and I could not bear it. We went in a few times during the night to calm her down. I wanted to be strong but I couldn't handle thinking she was scared, I imagined that she felt abandoned and it was so simple for me to go in and hold her to make her feel safe. 

I have learned two things from this phase: 
1. Hand her to a friend then run away so she can't see us.
2. Bedtime is 8:30 now, she can cuddle in our bed for a little while but no one goes back when the crying starts. 

Here's to getting to know your one year old. This is mine, ready to cuddle and watch some Downton Abbey with her mama.